How can I tell which one of you is fronting?
Sometimes this is possible, and sometimes it is not. There are several cues that can help you make an educated guess, and we use the same ones you do. But there are so many of us that it can only ever be a guess.
We are often not quite clear on who is fronting. We have spent the majority of our life pretending to be one person, and not just one person but a person who does not actually exist within our system. So most of us have not developed the skills of self awareness enough to identify ourselves when asked.
We pay attention to mannerisms, tone of voice, inflections, interests, expressions, comfortable pronoun, and comfortable name. But we cannot identify comfortable pronoun and name until someone calls us by either one. We do have one more internal clue that outsiders cannot see or hear, and that is relative location in our consciousness. We each peer out of our head from a different location, and can get a vague sense of who we likely are by that location.
If you ask us, "who is fronting right now?" sometimes we will be able to answer, but often not until we've done some work and switching around. Sometimes we'll have to say names out loud until one feels right.
The better way to be sure that someone you know is fronting is to address them by name when speaking to them. You still may not get them to come forward, but there is a fair chance that they will be available. And if you can't reach them, whomever does answer will likely be able to tell you who they are.
But, generally, we tell people to assume that you are talking to an entire crew of people who represent something like a starship. We have a network of communication internally, and when we are not stressed we use it well to coordinate with each other to speak to you.
Simply call us Inmara, with they/them for pronouns, and let us lead you into discussions with individual headmates when they are ready to do so.